There's a study that said that there's a finite number of times a person can fall in love. The average is about 6 in a life time; some will have more, some will have less.
I'd like to believe that it holds water.
Since my 20's, there had been 2 decades of falling in and out of love
I am talking about the serious kind of relationship
Since I never like doing things half heartedly (if so, why bother?), from my persepective, I always devoted a good deal of energy to be in it.
Being presently single, there's no need to guess that none of it worked out to be forever and a day.
My point is not to discuss why and how but to reflect on the above mentioned study.
It seems that I've used up my quota by now.
For 3 years after the last one I have yet wanted to fall for another
Not because I am holding a candle to the latest ex
He's a fine man and one of my closest friends
It's simply a total lack of desire to "find love".
The thought of marriage also doesn't generate any warm fuzzy feeling
Marriage has a lot of good things to offer, if it more or less mutually benefits the two parties involved, be it emotional, physical, financial, or relational.
Some people simply can't live alone.
Living alone has neve been a problem for me
Ever since birth, I was often my own company
Being solo in a familiar environment never rattles me
Even when I am in an unfamiliar environment (like when traveling to a new destination or trying a new restaurant), as long as I've done my research and prepared mentally, it can be liberating
Intellectually we all need sounding boards to stimulate minds and imagination
It's fortunate that I work with a bunch of highly intelligent and well rounded individuals to trade random thoughts and discuss books/films/music/ideas with
Also fortunate is that my work place is not a revolving door; people stick around for 2, 3 or more decades before retiring
I can honestly say that my association with some of my coworkers will outlast all my other relationships
Financially I don't need a meal ticket from a male provider
What I make is more than enough to shelter, clothe, and feed me and my cat
The thrifty nature of being a Chinese is a big help in saving for rainy days
In daily life I am an adequate researcher in finding informations, deals, directions, how-tos, and options.
Not the type who'd rely on others for help, I am very pro-active when it comes to researching and learning what needs to be done
Looking for a helping hand doesn't enter my mind until I've done all I can
In my case, being emotionally, intellectually, financially, and mentally independent is not the result of being single and living alone for a very long time.
I was born this way
Sure I have to work hard to maintain my independence
If I find a shoulder to lean on, I may not have to be the one who must do everything
However, since I was never really given this option (you can't ask for it, it has to be offered to you), it never crosses my mind to not to do all the work myself
So, what can a marriage offer me?
Pretty much the only thing is sex
The biggest frustration being a single guy is the lack of steady stream of sex
You buy drinks, pay for the meals, and try to charm the pants off the gal, hoping that she'd let you but it is never a guarantee.
Sex to men is a very important component in life
Not so for women, at least for some women
It is not important for me
I won't die of hunger and thirst if I don't have it (well, I don't, for a very long time)
It is no wonder I am not looking for marriage or a live-in BF.
It is like a Hermes Birkin bag, a luxury that's extremely nice to own but totally not a life-or-death necessity.
Then why am I here being a paid member?
Maybe for the chance that there is one more person who'd make me change my mind about my life long indepenence
Who can let my guard down and be willing to share the load of living
Maybe that person exists, maybe not
If so, great
If not, no skin off my back
Being single or coupled, we all have to live a life.
There's no point in pining for something that's currently missing
The job is to live every day well enough to warrant a good night's sleep
Whatever comes next day, comes.
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