以下為轉貼文

不是我的遭遇拉^^"

不過原作者寫的超好笑的XDDD

================================================================

    宜蘭最近開了一間購物商城蘭城新月，
                                                                               
    開幕到今天，想說衝新鮮的人潮應該少了點，
                                                                               
    就跟朋友去吃個飯逛逛街。                                                                               
                                                                                
                                                                                
    一到四樓的美食區，本來我想吃一下摩斯漢堡，就去逛逛看買個幾件長袖的，
                                                                               
    結果我朋友看了看，說裡面有一區美食饗宴還啥小的，好像有滿多吃的東西，
                                                                               
    看看旁邊也沒什麼好吃的東西，我們只好就進去碰碰運氣了，
                                                                               
    他媽的不知道哪個腦殘做的規定，進去以後要領一張磁卡，
                                                                               
    本來還不知道領卡要幹嘛？後來才知道他們裡面不收現金，
    
    都用那張卡刷，然後離開的時候再拿卡一起結帳。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    他媽的！點餐的時候就掏錢給店家不就好了，
                                                                               
    就算是要拆帳，收銀機也會有紀錄阿，是不會自己回去查帳喔！幹！
                                                                               
    如果是要節省時間，我看他讀卡的時間也不會比找錢快阿，我操！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    不過既然都進來了，還是照他媽的鳥規定去走，
                                                                               
    點完餐以後，我才有時間看看卡片背後註明.......
                                                                               
    「本卡如有遺失，需收兩百元工本費」
                                                                               
    我操你媽！就這樣進去吃個飯再走出來，有誰蠢到會遺失一張卡片！
                                                                               
    就這樣我跟我朋友吃著他媽的難吃的三星蔥培根石鍋拌飯跟咖哩雞排，
                                                                           
    然後聊一堆他媽的有的沒的，
                                                                               
    想說趕快吃一吃閃人然後去樓下買幾件長袖回家。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    結帳的時候，幹！我的卡真的不見了！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    還好我剛剛沒有跟我朋友說我心裡想的：「哪個豬腦會把卡弄丟」的想法，
                                                                               
    不然我朋友居然要陪豬腦吃飯，很可憐！幹！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    當下我搜遍我的全身，
                                                                               
    我平常都有把收據收起來的習慣，我記得我剛剛把卡和收據放在一起，
                                                                               
    既然收據不在我身上，也沒有在桌上，那就有可能在餐盤上，
                                                                           
    然後被收盤子的阿姨收走了！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    他媽的，那一轉念只是他媽的電光石火一瞬間，
                                                                               
    就像柯南腦袋閃過一道光就知道犯人是誰一樣，
                                                                               
    當下我立刻衝到廚餘區找阿姨！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    幹！他媽的阿姨我的卡勒！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    當然我身為文藝青年，雖然沒戴金絲眼鏡，但我是不會這樣粗魯的。
                                                                               
    所以我很委婉地告訴阿姨事情的緣由，
                                                                               
    沒想到阿姨當機立斷很果決地說：「不可能，我們看到一定會撿起來！」
                                                                            
                                                                               
                                                                               
    幹你媽的，我看到的話我也會撿起來阿，
                                                                               
    就是你沒看到才會把他一起丟掉，你不是說廢話嗎！？我操！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    雖然我此刻心裡有滿腔的怒火，
                                                                               
    但是我是讀書人，雖然沒戴金絲眼鏡，但我是不會這樣粗魯的。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    這時候我朋友也試著跟旁邊的櫃台人員溝通，
                                                                               
    說我的卡應該是被阿姨收走，能不能請阿姨幫忙找找看，或是有其他方法，
                                                                               
    但是櫃台人員說沒辦法這樣，還是要按照規定收兩百塊工本費....。
                                                                               
                                                                                                                                                           
    他媽的我吃的石鍋拌飯才 110 元，而且飯量很少，我五大口就吃的完，
                                                                               
    而且還幹他媽的難吃的要死，小菜比我的鼻涕還少，
                                                                               
    搞不好我打一槍還比一份小菜多！這樣收我 110 我就很火大了，
                                                                               
    你他媽的現在還要跟我收卡片的 200 元，而且還是被不長眼的阿姨收走的！
                                                                               
    幹！!
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    於是我又告訴阿姨，真的，我身上都沒有，那應該是您剛剛收走了，
                                                                               
    能不能幫我找找看，
                                                                               
    阿姨：「真的不可能阿，我們看到就會撿起來阿，不可能丟掉的嘛～」
                                                                               
    這時候我心裡的小宇宙爆了，他媽的整個α星雲跟β星系都爆了！
                                                                               
                                                                                                                                                            
    我指的地上的垃圾袋，轉頭跟櫃台的收銀人員講：「我的卡就在裡面」
                                                                               
    我帶著微笑慢慢地說：「我.現.在.就.找.給.你.看」
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    於是收垃圾的阿姨就帶我和那袋垃圾到後面廚房，
                                                                               
    林杯就空手下去翻，試圖找到那張他媽的鬼卡！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    為了讓未進入狀況的朋友們知道現場的情況，我大概描述一下...
                                                                               
    垃圾袋大小：最大的黑色垃圾袋，裝下兩個成人沒問題。
                                                                               
    容量：2/3 滿。
                                                                               
    內容物：你覺得你吃完飯除了廚餘之外，剩下的垃圾會在哪裡？
                                                                               
                                                                                                                                                           
    聞著那一股刺鼻的餿水味，我就空手在裡面攪動著，
                                                                               
    支持我的，除了我證明自己清白的決心，我內心加速擴大中的α星雲跟β星系，
                                                                               
    還有我他媽的燃燒中的，屬於 28 歲男子漢的熱情阿！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    我朋友在旁邊看我拿出沾有濃稠鼻涕的面紙、啃剩的骨頭，驚訝地說不出話來，
                                                                               
    一直勸我算了，蹲在廚房翻垃圾實在很奇怪，
                                                                               
    但是這時候的我，身為時代青年，我知道我肩上背負的任務是什麼.....
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    =======時間拉回兩年前=======
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    當年在成功嶺新訓的時候，我當打飯班班頭，
                                                                           
    有一天弟兄倒完噴回來告訴我，剛剛倒噴的時候，一隻湯匙不小心掉進噴桶.....
                                                                               
    我：「然後呢？」
                                                                               
    弟兄：「我們在猶豫要不要撿起來，結果它就沉進去了....」
                                                                               
    我想，如果牛頓沒有被蘋果砸到的話，
                                                                               
    以我弟兄的天資聰穎，還有時間觀察他沉下去，
                                                                               
    我想萬有引力一定會被強者我弟兄證明出來的。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    打過飯的都知道，湯匙的數量，決定榮譽假的能量，
                                                                               
    如果我去告訴分隊長，我們他媽的又少了一支湯匙，
                                                                               
    而且不是被別中隊幹走的，是我們的牛頓弟兄看他沉沒進噴桶，
                                                                               
    我想湯匙會沉沒，分隊長會沉默，我的榮譽假也會他媽的跟著沈沒！
                                                                           
    當下我沒說什麼，就跟著牛頓回到噴房去，問他是哪個桶子，
                                                                               
    然後伸手進去，直沒入臂，轉了幾圈，把那支他媽的湯匙撈出來，
                                                                               
    我：「是不是這支？」
                                                                               
    牛頓：「是....是.......」
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    後來我便領悟到.....他媽的！要走，就要走自己認為對的路！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    =======時間拉回兩年後=======
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    現在我的黃金右手在超大垃圾袋裡面撈著一堆上百個人的口水沾過的各式垃圾，
                                                                               
    這時候一個比較年輕的，看起來是管理幹部的人走過來，
                                                                           
    問我在找什麼，
                                                                               
    我：「找東西阿？不然是在找明天的早餐嗎？」
                                                                               
    我想，以我這樣詼諧不失俏皮中又帶著微微地不慍，
                                                                               
    我為管理階層的人一定會知道客人不爽了，會馬上幫忙處理.....
                                                                               
    管理幹部：「哈哈哈哈哈哈～」.........（走掉）
                                                                               
    幹你媽的他居然走掉了！是不會幫忙處理喔！幹！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    人類的記憶力，真的是在關鍵時候會發揮出來，
                                                                               
    我們找到了幾項關鍵性的證據，證明我的卡應該就在不遠處，
                                                                               
    首先是我朋友用剩的面紙空袋，他掏給我擦鼻涕的時候，我看過那個花樣和顏色。
                                                                               
                                                                                                                                                           
    這時候我還想起我看到背面寫遺失卡片要罰兩百的時候，
                                                                               
    還看到右上角的卡片編號是 00000001X54，幹！等一下找到就對對看！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    接著是我的收據，幹！
                                                                               
    攪拌的幸福：三星蔥培根石鍋拌飯，18 號，就是我的！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    還找到了一包沒開過的面紙，幹你媽的是誰那麼浪費，還 Hello Kitty 的耶～
                                                                               
    我本來想把他洗一洗拿回家用，但是我朋友叫我吃大便，我只好放棄！幹！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    就在整袋垃圾即將翻完之際，
                                                                               
    一個小小的圓角、塑膠質地的東西吸引了我的注意.........
                                                                           
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    是一張遺落在不知名角落的愛情ˋ值得紀念的第一次牽手的照片嗎？
                                                                                
                                                                                
                                                                                
                                                                
                                                                                
                                                                                
                                                                                
                                                                                
                                                                                
    幹你媽的當然就是我的卡片阿！
                                                                               
    翻過來一看，卡片編號 00000001154，
                                                                               
    我操你…我操你媽的蘭城新月四樓收盤子的阿姨！
                                                                               
    操你媽的我找到那張卡了，幹！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    他媽的我跟 Jordan 當年贏得總冠軍一樣差點哭出來，
                                                                                
    本來我還想要像 Jordan 抱 Pippen 一樣跟我朋友抱頭痛哭，
                                                                               
    但是我朋友叫我先洗手，真是沒情調，幹！
                                                                                
                                                                                                               
                                                                                
    後來我又帶著微笑回到櫃台，把卡丟到桌子上，
                                                                               
    然後又笑笑地跟剛剛的年輕人說：「就是這一張」
                                                                               
    接著收盤子的阿姨看到我也過來問：「找到了喔，阿～歹勢歹勢～」
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    幹他媽的剛剛是誰在那邊一直說不可能不可能的，我操！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    但是我是讀書人，所以上面的話是不可能罵出來的，
                                                                               
    當然要笑笑地跟阿姨說沒關係沒關係，
                                                                           
    唉～阿姨我也知道你賺的是辛苦錢，不過以後倒掉之前還是看一下比較好....
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    後來我朋友問我，為什麼這麼堅持一定要找到卡，給他兩百塊不就好了？
                                                                               
    「那是爭一口氣的問題！」我說
                                                                               
    我沒有告訴他，我覺得進去吃個飯也會把卡弄丟的人是豬腦，
                                                                               
    我覺得我不是豬腦，卡一定是阿姨不小心掉進垃圾袋了，我只是想要找到答案。
                                                                               
    我朋友又問：「如果今天是你跟你喜歡的女生出來，你也會去找嗎？」
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    「會！」
                                                                               
    我堅定地回答。
                                                                               
    我想起布魯斯韋恩決定成為蝙蝠俠，挺身拯救高譚市的時候，
                                                                           
    他的眼神有著一股迷人的堅定，
                                                                               
    雖然在垃圾桶翻自己的卡跟拯救高譚市有很大的落差，
                                                                               
    不過我相信我的眼神也會有著一股迷人的堅定才對！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    「我想，這個世界上應該找不到像你這樣的人了。」
                                                                               
     我朋友無奈地說。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
     「嗯」我沒有多說什麼，
                                                                               
     只是抬頭望著蘭城新月的招牌在沒有月亮的宜蘭天空亮著，
                                                                               
     並且暗暗地下定了決心............
                                                                                
                                                                                                                                                             
                                                                                
                                                                         
                                                                                
                                                                                
    他媽的！下次我一定會把卡收進皮夾！
                                                                               
    幹！！

=======================================================================
http://www.tsaca.org.tw/phpBB3/viewforum.php?f=36

．動物之家．可線上瀏覽待認養狗狗照片之網站．
～請多多利用^^．請大家告訴大家^^～