[感人]一隻狗狗的臨終告白 How could you?

　　本文選自美國作家Jim Willis的暢銷書《Pieces Of  My Heart-----Writings Inspired by Animals and Nature》，以自述的形式講述了一隻家犬對昔日主人的真情告白。當年作者用七千美元以全版廣告的形式在報紙上刊登了該文章，以一篇文章感動了所有的讀者。


    When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my 1)antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?"-but then you'd 2)relent, and roll me over for a belly rub.

    當我還是一隻小狗的時候，我的頑皮滑稽每每惹來你發笑，為你帶來歡樂。你把我叫做你的孩子，雖然家裏許多鞋子和一些靠枕都被我咬得殘缺不全，我依然是你最好的朋友。無論什麼時候我幹了“壞”事，你總會對我搖搖手指說：“你怎麼可以這樣呢？”不過最後你都會原諒我，把我撲倒然後搓我的肚皮。

    My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of 3)nuzzling you in bed and listening to your 4)confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs," you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

    你忙碌的時候，百無聊賴的我只好把家里弄得一團糟。我無聲的抗議對你總是管用的。每晚睡覺前我都會跳到你的床上，倚著你撒嬌，聽你細訴自己的夢想和秘密。我們常常到公園散步、追逐，偶爾也會乘車兜兜風。每天午後我都會在斜陽下打盹，準備迎接你回家。這些日子，我確信是我一生中最快樂的時光。

    Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never 5)chided you about bad decisions, and 6)romped with 7)glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a "dog person"-still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.

    漸漸地，你把更多的時間花在工作和事業上，並且花更多的時間去找尋你的另一半。而我總會耐心地等你回來，在每一個絕望心碎的日子裏給你安慰，從來都不會因為你所做的糟糕決定而責怪你。每天只要你一踏進家門，我都會歡快的撲向你，當你墜入愛河時，我會為你高興得團團轉。她--也就是你現在的妻子，並不是一個“愛狗之人”，但我還是歡迎她來到我們家，還努力向她表達我的友好，並聽她的話。因為你開心，所以我也開心。

    Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog 8)crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch-because your touch was now so infrequent-and I would have defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.

　　後來你們添了小娃娃，我也跟你一樣萬分雀躍。我被他們精緻的面孔、他們的一顰一笑感染了，我真想疼他們一下，好想像愛你般愛你的孩子，然而你和你的妻子卻深怕我弄傷他們，整天把我關在門外，甚至把我關到籠子裏去。孩子們慢慢長大了，我也成了他們的好朋友。他們喜歡抓著我的毛皮蹣跚地站起來，喜歡用幼小的指頭戳我的眼睛，喜歡為我檢查耳朵，也喜歡吻我的鼻子。 我尤其喜歡他們的撫摸？？因為你已經很少觸摸我了。有時候我會跳上他們的床，倚著他們撒嬌，細聽他們的心事和小秘密，一起等待你回家。

    There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you 9)resented every expenditure on my behalf. Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family.

　　曾幾何時，人們問起你家裏有沒有寵物時，你總是毫不遲疑地從包裏掏出我的照片，向他們娓娓道出我的軼事。可是，近幾年有人問起同一個問題，你卻只是冷冷地回答“是”，隨即就轉向別的話題。我已經從“你的狗兒”變成只是“一條狗”了，甚至對我的開支也變得吝嗇起來。後來你的仕途來了個新轉機，你可能要到另一個城市裏工作，移居到一幢不許豢養寵物的公寓去。終於，你為“家庭”作出正確的抉擇。可是，你是否還記得，曾幾何時我就是你“家庭”的詮釋？ 

    I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her". They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers". You had to 10)pry your son's fingers loose from my collar, as he screamed "No, Daddy. Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life.

    你的車子出發了。我不明真相，還在旅途中充滿期待。終於我們抵達的是一家動物收容所。裏面傳來不只是貓兒和狗兒的氣味，還有恐懼、絕望的氣味。你邊寫著文件邊對那裏的人說“我知道你們一定可以為它找個好歸宿的。”看著你，他們聳聳肩，露出一個很難過的神情。對於這裡的老犬最終會走的路，他們瞭如指掌；縱使老犬們身懷著各種各樣的證書，又如何？你的兒子緊抓著我的頸圈，哭喊著：“不要！爸爸，求你別讓他們帶走我的狗兒！”你狠下心去撬開他的小手指，直至他再也觸不到我。我擔心他，更擔心你教給他的人生課：什麼是友情、什麼是忠誠、什麼是愛、什麼是責任、什麼是……對生命的尊重！ 

    You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?"

    你避開我的目光，最後一次輕輕地拍拍我的頭說再見，並禮貌的拒絕帶走我得項圈及皮帶。你走後，那兩位好心的女職員說你可能在幾個月前就知道要搬家了，卻從來沒有試過要為我另找一個好的家庭。她們搖搖頭說：“你怎麼可以這樣呢？”
 
    They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my 11)pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you-that you had changed your mind-that this was all a bad dream…or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited.

    雖然這裡的人整天忙得團團轉，但只要有時間，他們總會儘量照料我們。在這裡我不愁食物，可是數日以來我已經是不下咽了。最初每當有人經過這牢籠，我都會滿心期待地跑過去，以為是你回心轉意來把我接回去。後來我退而求其次，只盼望有誰會來我，或者只是關心一下，我就心滿意足了。更多更多的小狗被送到這裡來，我這條老狗惟有撤退到最遠的一角。可悲的是它們仍天真活潑，似乎對將要面對的命運毫無知覺。

    I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a 12)tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the 13)hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?"

  那天傍晚我聽到她向我走來，然後我跟著她輕輕的穿過長廊，走進一件獨立的房間。在這異常安靜的房間裏，他把我放在一張桌子上，揉著我的耳朵叫我不要擔心。我已料到即將發生的事情，而我的心為此猛烈地跳動著，可是同時也浮現出一種解脫的感覺。她溫柔的為我的前腿榜上止血帶，此時她的淚珠滑下了臉頰。我溫柔的舔她的手，猶如許多年前我在你悲傷的時候安慰你一樣。然後她熟練地把注射器針頭插入我的靜脈裏。我隨著一陣刺痛，一股冷流走遍我的全身。我昏昏沉沉的躺下了，看著她親切的眼睛，我喃喃地說；“你怎麼可以這樣呢？

    Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself-a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place.

  也許是她聽懂了我的話，他對我說：“真是對不起。”她擁著我，急忙向我解釋說這是她的工作，她要保證把我帶到一個更好的地方，一個充滿愛和光明，跟塵世完全不同的世界，在那裏我不會在受冷落，遭欺淩，被遺棄，也不需要自謀生路……

  And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a 14)thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her. It was you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

  我是盡全身最後一絲力氣用尾巴敲了一下桌子，竭力想讓她知道這句“你怎麼可以這樣呢？”並不是對她說的，而是對你說的，我最愛的主人。我一直都在想念你，我會永遠懷念你，永遠等待你。我只希望你生命中的每一個人也可以這麼忠誠的對待你。