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篇名: 放輕鬆~~
作者: 人生過客 日期: 2012.09.27  天氣:  心情:

非笑話
 
1、問:「為什麼有錢有權的都移民了?」
答:「貧賤不能移!」
 
2、問:為什麼有權有勢的都永遠不會認錯?」
答:「威武不能屈!」
 
3、問:為什麼有錢有勢的包養女人不叫淫?
答:富貴不能淫!
 
老祖宗有先見之明。
 
 
放輕鬆
 
一天,理髮師把一個賣糖葫蘆的揍了,到警察局員警問理髮師:你為什麽揍賣糖葫蘆的?
理發師說:XXX,我在屋裏燙頭髮,他在外面喊“燙糊嘍”
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病人對牙科醫生說:“你真會賺錢,只用3秒鐘就賺了3美元。”
醫生回答:“如果你願意的話,我可以用慢動作給你拔。”
====================================================== 
 
織女下凡洗澡認識了牛郎,演繹一段驚天地泣鬼神的愛情故事,這件事告訴我們:在家洗澡是沒有機會的,所以洗澡一定要到外面去洗..... 
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小明上完廁所回到教室跟老師說:"廁所有好多螞蟻"
老師忽然想到螞蟻的英文ant這個單詞,於是測試小明;"螞蟻怎麽說?"
小明一臉茫然……說:"螞蟻他……什麽也沒說……" 
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某男生給同班某友生取外號,叫胖豬,女生 向 老師哭訴,老師答應對該男生批評,第二天教師在班上講:“某男生太沒禮貌,隨便給別人起外號,總不能別人象啥就叫啥吧?”
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非洲黑妹去上海旅遊,住進一賓館。半夜失火。那非洲女人飛快向外跑。一消防員看到驚奇的說:
我的娘唉,都燒焦了還跑得這麽快!! 
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狼崽從小吃素。狼爸狼媽絞盡腦汁訓練它捕獵。終於有一天,狼爸狼媽欣慰的看著兒子狂追一隻兔子。狼崽抓住兔子兇相畢露狠狠的說:小子,把胡蘿蔔交出來。 
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婚禮前新郎問婚禮司儀:主持一場婚禮多少錢?
婚禮司儀說:老婆越美錢越多。
新郎不好意思的給了一塊錢。
婚禮司儀一楞,回頭看了一眼新娘,然後找了5毛給新郎
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婚姻幽默(中英文)每句都精典! 
                   
"When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."                                 
如果有人搶了你的老婆,最好的報復就是讓他留著。 
                                                                   
Lee Majors (美國電影明星 - 李.梅爾)     
===============================                                                                             
                                                                                                                     
"After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay" together.                                                                                                           
結婚後夫妻就像一個硬幣的兩面·;他們不但不能面對面,而且還分不開。
                                                  
Al Gore (克林頓當總統時的副總統 - 阿爾·戈爾)   
========================================                                                                    
                                                                                                                     
"By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."   
不管怎麼樣,還是結婚的好。如果你找到一個好太太,你會很幸福。                                                       
假如你找到一個壞的,你會成為一個哲學家。 
                                                                          
Socrates (古希臘的思想家、哲學家,教育家 - 蘇格拉底)       
==================================================                                                        
                                                                                                                      
"Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them."                                           
女人給了男人做大事的激勵和靈感,同時又給了男人完成大事的阻力。
                                                     
Mike Tyson (前美國拳王 - 麥克.泰森)     
==================================                                                                             
                                                                                                                     
"The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"                       
有一個好問題我總是沒答案;那就是“女人到底想要什麼?”  
                                                            
George Clooney (美國著名演員 - 喬治·克魯尼)          
=========================================                                                               
                                                                                                                      
"I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me."                                               
我跟我太太才說了幾個字,她卻回了我一段長篇大論。 
                                                                  
Bill Clinton (美國前總統- 比爾.克林頓)   
=================================                                                                          
                                                                                                                      
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little     
candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."                                      
有人問我婚姻能維持這麼長的秘密。我們每個星期去餐館兩次。晚餐有燭光,音樂,和跳舞。她星期二去,我星期五去。 
       
George W. Bush (美國前總統 - 小布希)   
==================================
 
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."                                                       
我不怕恐怖分子。我已經結婚兩年了。 
                                                                                
Rudy Giuliani (前紐約市911事件時的市長 - 魯迪 朱利安尼
====================================================
              
"Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up."                                                                                  
有兩個秘密能讓你的婚姻圓滿:1. 當你錯時,馬上認錯。2. 當你對時,閉上嘴巴。                          
                                                                  
Shaquille O’Neal (美國籃球巨星 - 沙奎爾.奧尼爾)        
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"The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once..."                                   
最有效的方法記住你太太的生日就是先忘掉一次。
                                                                      
Kobe Bryant (美國籃球巨星 - 科比·布萊恩特)      
========================================                                                                   
                                                                                                                      
                                                                                                                     
"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."                                                            
我太太和我都高高興興的過了二十年,然後我們相遇了。
                                                                
Alec Baldwin (美國電影明星 - 亞歷克.鮑德溫)      
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"A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong."                                                         
一個好太太當她是錯的時候總是原諒她的丈夫。   
                                                                     
Barack Obama (美國總統- 歐巴馬)      
==============================                                                                               
                                                                                                                     
"Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy."                                                         
婚姻是唯一的敵我睡在一張床上的戰爭。   
                                                                           
Tommy Lee (美國老牌電影明星 - 湯米.李)   
===================================
 
"First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."                                                                     
有個人驕傲的說 “我的太太是天使!”另一個聽到的人說“你真幸運!我的還活著!”  
                                                                         
Jimmy Kimmel (美國著名電視節目主持人 - 吉米.金米爾)  
=================================================
 
“Honey, what happened to ‘ladies first’?” Husband replies, “That’s the reason why the world’s a mess today, because a lady went first!”                                                                                                  
“親愛的,女士優先又怎麼了?”丈夫回答說,”今天世界亂成這個樣子就是因為有女的先來了!“                      
        
David Letterman (美國電視著名脫口秀主持人 - 大衛.萊特曼)
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一切攏是假?………
 
如果走路或騎單車對健康很好,那麼郵差應該不會生病。
 
鯨魚整天遊泳,只吃魚跟水,還是肥。
 
兔子又跑又跳,只活15年。
 
烏龜不跑也不跳,甚麼都不做…………卻活450年。
 
而你~~~~~~~~卻告訴我說~~~~要做運動?
 
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時間:2013-01-11 17:09
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時間:2012-09-27 10:09
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