Ronny,
You still don t understand all I ve said about, do you?
It s fine. I don t need to worry about you anymore.We both should feel relax from our difficult relationship after all we have got through in the past 1 year and 8 months.
I guess you are fully content since you chose the way to live for your life now as you backed to Canada finally again to be with your friends, to be no more with me in your life.
I just wish you happy.
Please don t let me know any of your regret or sadness anymore as you always left ruthlessly, and this time is final.
I did what I promised you as I married you and have tried as far as I can to be a good wife for you. Did you do what you promised me that you would never leave again, not even think about it?
Your conduct is always at variance with your words since you don t know what you really want.
I m not going to play your games with you anymore, not ever again.
I m sorry that I said those bad things about you and got crazy when you made me angry and pushed me. Believe me I didn t mean any of those. I m sorry if I hurt your feelings by that.
I m sorry that I should be more patient and tolerate with your anxiety reactions from insecure.
I m not perfect. I couldn t deal with the pressure that caused by your intense unhappiness of living here.
I M NOT THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU as I couldn t handle your anxiety reactions anymore since they effected me a lot, too.
I did not care that you have anxiety problem or something else or I would be long gone already since you told me about the medication you take when we were just about beginning. I only cared about if you see a good doctor regularly and take a good medication that helps you as I didn t want it to effect our relationship as we loved each other very much. Our love was very special to me as I always thought it was a gift from God for our destinies.
Unfortunately, you only promised me you would see a doctor when you begged me not to give up us, yet never this happened while we were together.
Unfortunately, you didn t see it effected our relationship very much.
You always think about leaving even without enough money with you, this is not healthy nor normal, Ronny.
I wished you could relax from things happened in life and learned to deal with them instead of running away for rebuilding your life by zero again and again or we wouldn t have today.
Don t deny that most of our arguments caused of your thinking about leaving again which made me very insecure, confused, worried and dejected then became unhappy, upset and angry.
Yes, I was very very insecure, sensitive, disappointed and scared when I felt you were about to leave again, after you had gone and backed my life so many times.
It s fine that you think I just blame everything on you about things you did wrong for making myself easier.
It s fine.
I M NOT THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU as our methods of thinking are totally different, the ways of looking at our relationship were completely different, too, which means we would never make it.
Now we both don t need to worry about us anymore.
I have no more to say to you, Ronny.
You were gone again and this is a reality and the final for me.
I considered staying in our plan many times which I go to Canada in 2 months, but Ronny, it was so very difficult for me to trust you again after I hopefully trusted you that many times therefore I chose to divorce for letting you go forever. It s so hard to let go but just a right thing to do.
You broke my heart many times and this time is final.
I don t need anymore sorry from you as it doesn t mean anything to me but just sounds very irresponsible. You have no idea how much I hated you while you were saying the last SORRY to me when you were leaving earlier from divorcing the other day.
I wish one day you would understand how much you hurt me.
I wish you could say sorry to God for hurting me--the one you loved.
I still wish you all the best no matter what.
Queena
為了斷念，我連英文名字都改了。
Sent出這封我對他最後的email，接著我便打包了所有我與他之間的一切，包括結婚證書、離婚協議書、所有移民文件、一大疊厚厚的笑的甜甜的照片、一大疊寫滿愛意的卡片與信件、我們的結婚戒指、訂情戒指、所有甜蜜的小驚喜、還留有他的味道的衣服、所有所有與他有關的一切，算好時間，第一次在晚上一個人開車到我們以前常常牽手漫步深情擁抱的三芝的海邊。晚上8:30他的飛機起飛，就在這個時刻，我把"我們"全部都葬送到海裡。聽著海浪的拍打聲，因為冷有些顫抖著點了一根Vogue，引領對著天空吐著一下就散去的煙霧，我看到深藍色的大片夜空有一個小小的光點緩緩的在移動，我相信那是他的飛機。對著那個飛機的光點，對著黑色的大海，我大聲的喊著他的名字對他說了五次的再見。
我從來不曾葬送過我的愛情，但是對他，我知道我需要這樣一個儀式，讓自己接受他已離去的事實，好讓自己不再心存等待。我沒有哭，或許是因為夜晚一個人在黑暗無人的海邊太害怕了吧。
所以之後我常常就是回到這個海邊迎接我的悲傷。
我在努力度過這個過程，因為我知道我會好起來的。我知道漸漸的我想起他的次數間隔會越來越長，一直到很久都不再想起，也不再想到要開車到這個海邊駐足哀悼。
我只是在經歷每個人生命中都會經歷過幾次的事。悲 歡 離 合
謝謝愛我的人，謝謝關心我的人。我會加油的！
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住戶編號:1663826
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