The Case Against Remarriage
Raymond McCauley loves Kristina Hathaway. He just doesn’t want to marry her. For the last six years, the two 40-somethings have been living together in Mountain View, Calif., where they’re raising their three-year-old twins. Why not tie the knot? They’ve been there, and done that, and for reasons emotional – and financial – they don’t want to do it again. “This works for us and we’re happy, so why get married?” says McCauley, a scientist in the biotech industry.
They’re part of a growing minority of Americans who aren’t sure they want to re-board the marriage train – and the recent economy hasn’t exactly encouraged a change of heart. As financial issues take top priority for many Americans, the costs of getting remarried – losing benefits tied to an ex-spouse, for example – have grown to outweigh the emotional rewards. According to the most recent Census Bureau data, a little more than half of divorced men and fewer than half of divorced women are remarried, proportions that have been dropping over the last decade. And last week, the Pew Research Center reported that 78% of divorced and widowed survey respondents said they didn’t want to remarry or weren’t sure they wanted to. Remarriage, it seems, is no longer the brass ring it once was.
For starters, many couples don’t want to deal with merging assets again. After McCauley’s first marriage, he split everything with his ex-wife, which made the divorce even more difficult, he said, adding, “I don’t want to go through that again.” For other people, the loss of income — like alimony, or Social Security and pension benefits from a former spouse — have become a greater concern in the last few years, says Nicky Grist, the Executive Director of the Alternatives to Marriage Project. And there are other heady issues to wade through, like how child support or college costs are handled, estate planning, beneficiary designations on retirement and insurance policies, and more, says Rick Salmeron, a certified financial planner and president of Dallas-based Salmeron Financial. “Money is a big, sticky issue when it comes to remarriage,” he says.
Meanwhile, it has also become easier to stay unmarried — but committed. Many companies now extend health insurance and other benefits to cohabitating couples who qualify. And living together has gone from taboo to norm: Cohabitation among Americans 50 and older shot up 50% from 2000 to 2006, according to research from Bowling Green State University.
Of course, there are also lots of reasons to remarry. There are tax benefits, legal advantages and other financial protections. But many of the benefits have nothing to do with logistics and practicalities: Emotionally, marriage can offer a sense of security; numerous studies have shown marriage generally improves mental health. And for many people, religious or moral beliefs prohibit cohabitation without marriage – or remarriage. |
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