就這樣...分手了!
想不到我們交往跟分手都是在 MSN 上講的
i didn't notice that you are online
are you busy now?
it seems like you are not in front of the computer. Fine~
我只想確定你沒事~ 因為我的左眼皮跳了快兩天了
我很想跟你談談~
不知道你到底會不會看到~管它的~你可能在忙
我就留話給你~希望你會看到
昨天打在msn訊息上給你的那段話不知道你到底有沒有看到~
本來是打算先問你有沒有話要跟我說~但以現在這種沒有辦法互動的情況下~我就先說我想說的了
告訴我~我們的這段感情讓你感到壓力很大嗎
我講話有點直,當事情困擾住我時就會想要趕緊解決
關於昨天~我寫了篇日記給你~ 那是我當下的心情
被你嚇到了
完全沒有心理準備你會在這時出現
害我已調整好的心態又不知該往哪擺
我其實不愛生氣
更不愛在你難得出現的時候讓僵持的氣氛漫沿不下
但對於你無法實現你許下的諾言...我想當做沒一回事...卻又....有那麼一點不甘
想問你....
Do you really care about me?
Do you really think about my feeling?
Do you know what is "在意"?
如果你真的在乎我, 真的有心...就不會讓承諾失效,更不會...連一分鐘寫mail的時間都沒有
誠意,心意~ 哪怕是只有一句"今天很累"的mail我也能接受
曾想著你是因為上一段戀情沒結果所以這次很謹慎
謹慎到不放心思去經營去維繫我們的感情
傳了訊息給你~
"我只是想說....我並沒有生氣! 因為我似乎對沒有你的消息這件事習慣了..就好像....不是那麼意外...
你讓我覺得自己真的很渺小... 小到不被在乎
而我要的...也就只是被"放在心上","被在乎"
並不是說要把我擺在第一位~以現階段來說課業比較重要
也許你是在乎我的~只是沒表現的很明顯
也或許你跟我一樣都怕受傷害
眼前我們有很多阻礙
但不管怎樣~讓我們一起用心經營跟維繫這段不是那麼被看好的遠距離戀情好嗎
至少努力過了也就不會後悔了"
明明有看到你的狀態從忙碌變成線上
怎麼很快的卻成了離線
感到詫意的我....不禁脫口你是瞎子嗎
但我發現....原來...我可能才是瞎了的那一個
你可不可以不要再當悶葫蘆了~ 我想知道你的想法
你說:I got your message but too many things to do
take your time
你說:so I decided to finish everything and then to talk to you without any interruption
切~ 我差點就要下線了~
你說:sorry about that. are you free now?
對你我永遠都是free的啊
你說:ok, first, I apologize for everything I hurt you.
i take that.
你說:too many things happened last week
I became more busy after handing my essay.
I got two more presetation last week.
and I had to pack my luggage to move to my new flat.
I know it's kind of an excuse.
but just let you know some background about my recet life.
i am listening. ^^
你說:and Internet didn't work last week at my accomadation.
i am sorry that i didn't know that.
你說:you don't need to say sorry to me. all my fault.
我並不想歸咎誰對誰錯~只是想...跟你溝通..
你說:and after this couple of days, I got some feeling about our relationship.
直接說吧
你說:I want to let you know what I thought.
good
你說:like you said, I don't expect our relation.
for long-distance love.
yes, I did. I was dissapointed at this situation. I broke up with my former girlfrinds because of it.
when I need you or want to talk to you, I really hope you will be beside me.
we are far from each other.
我也很希望你能在我身邊~
就因為距離遠~所以才要更用心不是嗎
你說:I really hope I can join your group or you join mine. and then we can have more comman topics.
I tried before(my first girlfriend). It was fine at the beginning. and then we had our own lives and friends.
所以這一次你才會這麼消極嗎
你說:common topics became fewer and fewer and then our relation became weak and then we became just good friends without any loving.
And I found the same situation happened between us. Maybe I'm quite busy on my study and I don't know you a lot. I called you sometimes but I didn't know which topic I should start.
因為我們能交談的時間不夠多不是嗎
你也從不把心裡的話說出來讓我知道
不說出來又怎能更瞭解彼此呢
打從一開始我們就分隔兩地~當然不能像一般人一樣很快的就瞭解彼此
如果從一開始就抱持著消極的心態~那.....任何一點點的小阻礙都會變得很大
既然你從一開始就在逃避~ 我們的感情當然不會成功啊
你說:when we were together, can we become a couple. Maybe I thought too much, but I really did.
i am not really understand what do you mean
你說:I mean marriage.
you are not the only one person who think about this
i remember that you told me not to think too much
我還以為只有我一個人在想著未來的事呢
你說:but I find some difficulities between us.
家人嗎~還是觀念想法
你說:Both. do you remember I asked you, do you want a baby after marriage?
人的想法是會改變的
你說:and as you know, I really like to have a baby.
我一直沒跟你說
當我們在一起後~我就想過 或許...為你生個baby也不錯
我現在可以先罵你幾句嗎
既然你從一開始就不用心啦~那我們鐵定不會成功的那又何必要在一起呢~這不是耍我嗎~浪費我的青春跟感情
你說:I thought everthing would become better.
你一點都不用心在我們的感情上又怎麼會become better呢
總是要有付出才會有收穫的呀~不是嗎
你說:yes, you're right.
now I just can forcus on my study and life here.
I'm sorry to let you down.
先回答我這個問題
你覺得你在我們之間的聯繫上付出了什麼
你說:campare with you, I did nothing on our connect.
你還是很想躲在殼裡是吧
你說:?? what do you mean?
你一點都不想跨出那一步
你只想躲在一個你認為最安全的地方
我有想過~其實你是在等我什麼時候累了.......你也解脫了..
你說:I don't know. Maybe you're right. Sometimes I don't understand myself. I always look the light side. I always think everything will become better. but my dark side still influences me a lot.
我現在終於知道為什麼你總是不懂我要的是什麼~因為你一點也不在乎
你說:maybe I'm not ready to love the other person.
I don't want to hurt you but can we just go back to become good friends.
你知道嗎~我星期日做了一個決定
你說:what decision.
這是我給你的最後一次機會我不主動聯絡你了
如果你還在乎我~ 有主動跟我聯絡...那...you'll still be my boyfriend.
如果沒有...那...let it go....let me free.... 就讓它淡掉吧
一生....只有一次~
很多事都不能再重來....我們的感情也是...更是需要用心的
沒有互動的單向付出...我真的累了
也許.....這就是你一直在等的......等我什麼時候累了.......你也解脫了....
你說:maybe you're right. I'm not the right person for you.
按這情況看來~你永遠也不會有ready的一天
你說:maybe I don't know. But thanks for telling something I don't know.
這就是你想要的嗎
你說:I don't know. My feeling is very complicated. I haven't thought about that before.
我花了很多時間在替你找藉口~ 藉口多到後來連我自己都說服不了自己
你說:I'm so sorry. You deserve someone really care about you.
I think it's time to end our convesation.
I'm so sorry for everything I did to you.
什麼都不要說了
感情的世界裡沒有誰對誰錯
如果這就是你想要的~ 我成全你
你說:right, thanks.
祝你一切順利
你說:I don't know what I should say right now but good luck.
什麼都不用說
你說:right, see you
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