Can you have the cake and eat it, too? What s the use of having the cake and not eating it?
When Spanish speaking people make a toast, they would say to love, health, and money. ( Amor, salud, y dinero.) How come Taiwanese only think of money? Love seems so insignificant to Taiwanese even though most of Taiwanese songs are about love. It s just like India. Most young couples are bound to having an arranged marriage in India. Yet all the Indian songs are about love. They don t even have the right to choose whom they marry to.
What I really want in my relationship? Can I mold a man to meet my needs? I don t like to tell people what to do. M thinks that I m wasting my time here. But my intention of being here was not to find a husband. Now I-Part is my emotional outlet. I enjoy typing what s on my mind.
But I do meet nice people here although they might not be my life partners. I m grateful for even person I have met here. Life is not all about having a happy ending. Life is all about the process. By the process of finding what we want and what we don t want, we grow.
After those days I worked for W, I started to really appreciate my life in the U.S. Because people should be equal by the U.S. constitution. But in W s school, a teacher told me that I couldn t talk to the director directly. Gosh, it s just a small school. Cannot stand the "I m better than you" attitute. Yes, all the pains and suffering made me appreciate what I have or had more. I began to think A as a better person although I have no regrets of being where I m now. Our propose in the Earth is to complete our life lessons, what we are here to learn. Mother-daugher relationship is my biggest problem. I am not an obedient daughter and I long for a supportive mom. Lacking of love from the childhood does me make an insecure person. And I don t really see it.
Finding my Nothern Star is my another life lesson. R said to me that shine through yourself, not through others. I know what I m passionate about. But reality bites. We cannot always do what we want to do.
I don t know I should teach any more. The real money in teaching is teaching kids to be a test-taking machine. Parents want to see good results of GEPT or exams. True learning has to come from the heart. Otherwise, kids don t really learn. I remember that I didn t really like English when learning English was just about memorizing vocalbulary. I became interested in English when I started to use it in the daily life.
R once advised a girl who applied to his University not to come. And he said to the girl who studied in the U.S. before that attending English department in a University in Taiwan would make her Enlgish regress. What can we do about educational system in Taiwan?
I have to say that I m a happy person. Every moment I thank God for giving me good girlfriends (felmale friends) who stand by my side when I m down. I pray to God that one day I can repay their kindness and generoisy.