I cannot really let you go. If I do, I will spend my life missing you. You are on vacatons. It s not going to be like this if you move back to the U.S.. I cannot really give you up. The decision is not for me. It s all for you. Everything you experienced is just an illusion this summer. Without you, I might have more suitors who want to be with me. I will have so much free time which I can do anything I want. But I d rather die alone than give you up now. Giving up is not an option now. I have learned my lesson. Marriage is sacred. People should marry someone for love, not for a green card. So the image of a happy family is just an illusion. I hope you will understand me someday. Meanwhile, you can call me selfish or blame me for everything. I do what s the best for you, not what s the best for me. Selfishness is something I have to learn. I have been selfless all my life. I wish I could be selfish sometimes. For you, love is all I got.